Wake up

"Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Here comes my betrayer!" (Jesus-Mark 14:41&42)

I think at some point, when our spiritual eyes are really opened, we will kick ourselves for not taking the opportunity to pray God's power into so many situations.

We were too busy 'sleeping'-sometimes with our eyes wide open...fixed on a flat screen. Sometimes day dreaming from thought to thought-if not page to page of the latest catalogue (that has arrived conveniently at our doorstep...designed to walk us out of the realities of the moment and into the land of want and desire).

Don't get me wrong, rest is commanded-sleep is a necessity! Just be aware of it's various forms-of it's seduction. It's escapism. It's consequences.

"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come upon you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man." (Proverbs 6:10&11)

I think we forget to factor in spiritual poverty-don't underestimate spiritual poverty.
Conversations that never happened. A mind stayed on 'stuff'...the next deal, the next meal, the next show, the next game, the next distraction.

The answer-of course-is not busyness. The answer is to WAKE UP spiritually...to realize 'the hour has come'. Look around you! Jesus is being betrayed all over the place. 'rise, here comes the enemy'...and he is hoping you'll sleep right through...everything!

After asking his disciples to "watch and pray", the text in the gospel of Mark goes on to say: 'When Jesus came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy, they did not know what to say to him.'. (Mark 14:40)

Those last 9 words haunt me the most: 'they did not know what to say to him'.
Savior and Lord! Wake us up while there is still time!

What might be accomplished if we truly prayed without ceasing. (There are certainly an unceasing number of things to lift up to Him in this broken place.)
And Oh the things we would have to say to Him, when he comes back!

"She did what she could"

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I haven't felt like writing. I've still been Seeking Him Desperately...but just not publicly. Today, though, I felt the nudge to do it. I've been reading Mark. There's so much I want to share with you about Mark 14-but I'm gonna resist the urge to give you all the peripheral stuff-I'm gonna dive right into what hit me today.

In Mark 14, (you could go read it real quick if you want, I can wait. You've waited long enough for me;), Jesus is eating at the house of "Simon the Leper", and a woman comes in and takes this super expensive jar of perfume and breaks the jar and pours it on His head. The study notes assure me that this is a "common custom at feasts", and that "the woman's action expressed her deep devotion to Jesus".

So, I get that it's not as crazy as it sounds, but I'm thinking it would still take great courage to perform this act of devotion without being given permission, or being asked to do so. Which she obviously wasn't, by the response she gets after she does it. She probably already felt self-conscious, and then scripture tells us she was harshly rebuked, and everybody started saying how that was such a waste of perfume, and how it could have been sold for more than a years wages and the money given to the poor.

She must have felt so embarrassed. She probably started to doubt her own actions, and the burning desire she'd had to honor Jesus. After all,
Who did she think she was?
And did Jesus think she was a fool too?
Maybe she was just a stupid stupid girl.

And then! In comes her knight in shining armour! What every woman longs for in a man. A protector. Someone who totally understands her. Someone who actually knew the motives of everyone in the room! (a guy who actually can read minds) He openly honors her while subtly putting everyone else in their place. He called her actions beautiful.

This seemingly impulsive act that she had just been second guessing, was defined by Jesus as not only beautiful, but of lasting significance. (she was known, she was valued, she was loved)

Think about it: She had felt lead to do something for God.
She had risked embarrassment and scorn.
She endured (momentary) embarrassment and scorn.
And, as a result: She was given a place in the story of Jesus that continues on centuries after her death.

Something to remember the next time you feel lead to do something for God.

But here's my favorite part. Listen to what Jesus says in verse 8:

"She did what she could."

Jesus said this on the heels of telling her accusers, "You can help (the poor) anytime you want".

See, people like to talk. They like to say what should be done...what they could do...what they will do-or-what they can't do, about this messy broken world.

But Jesus commends this woman because,

quietly,

passionately,

obediently:

she did what she could.

So, what could you do? Wait-don't talk about it-actually do it.

"For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power"

(1 Cor. 4:20)

Imperfect as ever

Here I am again--back at the alter of the god of being understood and appreciated. (you wouldn't know about that, because it's one of the many blogs of the past few months that hasn't made it out of my notebook and onto my computer).

I hear the accusations again: "Maybe you're not even dancing with God--maybe you're out there all by yourself. (p.s. Every one's staring at you...and you look ridiculous).

But I am not alone. Even if I'm getting it wrong and I'm stepping all over God's toes. Even if I'm trying to lead GOD, and every one's laughing at the presumptuousness of that foolishness. Even then, He has not left me or forsaken me. He is out there--on the dance floor--claiming me as His--2 left feet and all. He delights in me and sings over me. He hates that I have to feel this way, but He knows what it will produce in me, so He is strong enough and loving enough to let me go through it. He doesn't show me visions of real suffering, and tell me to "snap out of it!". He looks at me in my awkward stages and sees the woman He has created me to be.

He loves me. He redeems me. And that is better than the praise, acceptance, and glowing reports of a thousand fickle men.

"When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere

When I don't measure up too much in this life,

I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ."

(Sanctus Real, Forgiven)

I've missed you all. Shall we dance?:]

The Real (Toxic) Housewives of NYC...

I gave in. After telling myself, "You do not want to watch these women be mean to each other for another second!", in a moment of weakness, when nothing else was on 900 some-odd channels, I watched it-The Real Housewives of New York City.

It was truly the train wreck you know you shouldn't allow yourself to absorb, but curiosity insists on staring at-with raised eyebrows and open mouth.

First of all, there is no occasion with these women where a confrontation is inappropriate. There is no offense too small to be harbored and held for later--as a weapon of surprise attack. Secondly, there is nothing these women won't say about each other--behind their backs--even though there is (or because there is (?)) a camera stuck in their faces. And, thirdly, their proudest statements are like tossed aside photos of the truth, in favor of the dark confusing negative. (OK, that would have been a really good analogy a few years back before the whole world went digital...now, not only are there no negatives lying around in old photo envelopes, but some people don't ever even take their digital pics off the memory card...no one I know personally.)

Here are some of the gems from the show: (not exact exact quotes, because I didn't write it all down, but it is as close as memory will serve-maybe even a little nicer than the actual quotes).


"L"-"I can't believe she said that to her face! I mean who does that? Sure talk to other people...sure subtle whispers...but to say it right to her face?!"


"J" - "I kept her hurtful message so I could play it back to myself whenever I started to feel weak". (as in, I could feel myself just wanting to get over it, but I fed my hurt and rage instead)


And, from the housewife who's being featured in Playboy, as she broaches the subject with her 2 young daughters:

"K" - "Girls, what do you think about mom being in Playboy?"

"Well," the one daughter responds, "with clothes on, yes, without, no. Case closed."

And the other: "You mean showing your weirdness for the camera?"

But later, when asked what her young daughters thought of her posing, she smiled and said:

"Oh, I talked to them about it, they're really excited!"


One of the Playboy mom's friends bragged to the other housewives enthusiastically saying:

"Well, every woman's dream of being in Playboy is actually becoming a reality for Kelly, here!" All smiles and endorsement. But once she's alone and speaking just to the camera...(oh- and the world), she was suddenly conflicted: "I don't know how I feel about her posing for Playboy...I mean she has 2 small children..."


And finally, in her own defense, Kelly, the Playboy mom, explains:

"It's not like I'm being photographed nude...I'm being photographed nude for the most famous book in the world!" (Hello!)


I don't know why my head is still spinning from it. It's reality TV. It's not a self help show, or even a serious documentary. It's art poking and prodding at life until it shows it's most prickliest, ugliest, self-absorbed-survivalist head.


And it's not that these women are the worst women ever. It's that they are like wounded animals--caught in a trap attempting to chew each others legs off in order to hopefully get out alive. (All the while wearing designer clothes, having their roots done, being spray tanned, and smiling like they're having the time of their lives.)


Anyone of us could do what they're doing...think what they're thinking. It's a dog eat dog world out there...if you decide to be one of the dogs. And we've all done it:

• Talked about somebody who hurt us, instead of going to them in truth and love and letting them know we were hurt.


• Enjoyed the drama of being wronged, and kept our hurt and anger alive, when we could have just gotten over it.


• Heard what we wanted to hear--regardless of what was actually said.


• Publicly acted thrilled for someone and privately criticized them.


• Redefined our situation with no allegiance whatsoever to reality and truth.

It takes so little to fall into that trap. All you really have to do is forget that there are 2 masters vying for your allegiance. One who has come only to steal, and kill, and destroy. And One who has come to give life, and life to the full. One has the keys to free you from the trap--the other set it for you, and is cheering wildly as you bite and devour one another.

So. It is up to you, and it is up to me. It can only be a dog-eat-dog world, if we decide to be dogs...(females, that goes double for us!). What if we decide to grow up in Christ instead? What if we decide to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us"? What if Love ruled the day?

Now that would be a better day.

my own worst enemy

"As I was walking past the stair,

I saw a man who wasn't there.

I saw that man again today.

I wish that man would go away."

I don't know who that little poem was written by...(Ogden Nash?), but I think-past the silliness of it-I can see a very real issue. The things that slow us down in this life, the things that keep us from moving forward, are sometimes only imagined. They are figments that loom in our heads, but nevertheless have power. But the power they have is only the power we are willing to give them.

In case you hadn't noticed I have been AWOL from this whole blogging thing. [anybody still out there who didn't give up on me completely?] Ironically, I have disappeared in the aftermath of an amazingly inspiring writer's conference. Something tells me it wasn't supposed to have that effect. But as with so many things, the longer I stayed away, the more impossible and daunting my return seemed. To top it off, I lay here sick today, watching endless episodes of America's Next Top Model. Not exactly the inspiration you need, to resume a spiritually probing self analysis...as this blog has come to be for me.

I guess the question is...what is this blog for you? Is it worth my continuing to share my vulnerabilities, my struggles, and my epiphanies? The man in the stair says it is not. He says I should just lay here half sick, and leave my blog half done...he says no one will notice or care. He tells me that each day that passes since the writer's conference, that I don't DO something big with my writing, is simply an indictment on who I am and who I never will be.

It doesn't take any believer very long to recognize who the man in the stair ultimately is. Yes-he is the very real enemy. But even so, that does not change the fact that the power he has over me is still only the power I choose to give him. Yes, I see him day after day, standing there in the stairway trying to block heaven. And yes he is quite the subtle yet relentless source of accusation. But aren't I-in fact-my own worst enemy for giving him power when I know full well he has been defeated? Why should I waste time wishing he wasn't there, (a constant source of snide rebuke), when I am really the one with the power to make him go?

I will pray Paul's prayer in Ephesians for myself:

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the glorious Father, may give me the spirit of wisdom and

revelation, so that I may know Him better. I pray also that

the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may

know the hope to which He has called me...and the

incomparably great power for me-who believes.

That power is like the working of His mighty strength,

which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead

and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all

rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title

that can be given, not only in the present age but

in the age to come.

(Eph. 1:17-21)

The man in the stair can stare all he wants, but he has no real power over me. May I never forget that. I will acknowledge his presence-because his presence is very real-but I will do a little staring of my own. And it won't be at him. I will keep my eyes fixed on the one who made my overcoming possible. "I will set my eyes not on what is seen"...a sick girl losing her Saturday as she lays sapped of physical energy on the couch..."but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Cor.4:18). God has eternal stuff for me, and whatever that looks like, I'm gonna take it, and no man in the stair is going to be able to keep me from it!

And so, I will lay here a little bit longer and wait to feel better. But you know something? I can see the stairs from here, and they are completely empty...(for now). It's amazing what a little resisting will do to clear the stairs;)