People suck.

ingrate. coward. entitled. selfish. infuriating. (and other adjectives I must edit)

Question: "When someone puts you through hell, is undying gratitude really too much to ask?"

Funny you should ask.

2 words put everything into perspective:

The Cross.

Humans are apparently incapable of undying gratitude--even in the face of the most selfless act in all history and for all time. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. (a statement we've heard so many times we have to fight not to take it for granted). When you force yourself to look at that for what it is--could anything scream more deservedly for our undying gratitude? Yet we can hardly say we give Him what He deserves after all He has done for us.

Tomorrow, when I am a better person, I will allow that to sink in, and then my anger and my disgust for this one should subside.

To err is human. Tonight I am human.

the next day...

God is Divine.
In my daily study of Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, I found just what I needed to calm my thrashing spirit. (the one that had a few choice words and thoughts each time I woke up in the night...)

In one paragraph, God took the righteous fight right out of me:

Jesus says, "I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you." (Jn. 13:15) Oswald then expounds, "Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of
person you have been to Him. Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you."

For a moment I balked at the thought that this ingrate I was dealing with was, the kind of person I had been to God. But, once I got past the indignation, and focused on that last instructional sentence: "Now...exhibit to that one, exactly what I have shown to you."-yet again-the genius of God melted my stubborn heart.

I had to ask myself, "what has God exhibited to me?"

• grace


• patience


• total love and self sacrifice when I was at my ugliest (Romans 5:6-8)


• He desires good things for me, even when I am making that impossible (Jere. 29:11-14)


• He's always ready to receive my wayward self back, with open arms and heart (Lk 15:20)


• He intercedes for me at my weakest point (Hebrews 4:14-16)

And really that can all sound so clinical. Oh, that Jesus, He does that for everybody. But I will tell you, when I look back and see myself for who I've been to Him...

ingrate. coward. entitled. selfish. infuriating. (and other adjectives I assume God would edit)

I am humiliated--and awed that:

He never once shamed me. He never once sat me down to go over exactly how I had wronged Him. He never once withheld love from me.

Wow.

In the face of such generous love and forgiveness, is it really too much to ask that I be willing to do the same for this one?

My Saviour and my God. I have put you through hell. May I live my life in undying gratitude...(and thank you-in advance-for your grace, when I do not).