"Have I the slightest interest in the death of Jesus? Do I want to be identified with His death, to be killed right out to all interest in sin, in worldliness, in self-
to be so identified with Jesus that I am spoilt for everything else but Him?"
(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 23)
I read this and I felt sad. Because I know what it feels like to have that, but I do not presently have that. I know that I can have it again ...but I am so disappointed in myself and the slow fade that took me where I didn't realize I was heading.
There is such a parallel right now, for me, with my physical shape and my spiritual shape. Just 2 months ago I found myself suddenly physically fit. It had snuck up on me after 6 months of Muay Thai (sort of an extreme brand of kick boxing), and an especially stressful time in my life that left me with half an appetite. I was thrilled with my new situation...and I knew I would have to guard it carefully to keep it. But, my Muay Thai class took a 2 month hiatus, and along came Thanksgiving and Christmas. So...here I sit, knowing that just a few months ago I was at my lowest weight and highest muscle mass--ever. And now? Soft from inactivity. Bloated with over indulgence. How could I have let this happen?
A more troubling question is, how did I get so soft spiritually? I haven't missed a day of spending time with God...I haven't stopped going to church, or spending time with people who challenge me. But the fact remains, that just a few short months ago Jesus and I were inseparable. Finishing-each-other's-sentences close. Inside joke close. And suddenly I find myself weak and disconnected. But the disconnect really was no more sudden than my fitness had been. I had gotten there in the usual ways: escapism; general busyness; and by a redirected focus on these most recent holidays.
Bottom line, you don't get fit--be it physically or spiritually--and stay that way, without a concerted effort.
I know how long it will take to reclaim my physical fitness.
I wonder how long til "...I am spoilt for everything else but Him"?