Can I make a confession?
I'm an "all or nothing" girl, and I'm about to "All" myself to death...and the sad thing is, it ends up looking a lot like nothing.
Get up early. Go to bed early. Eat right. Pray while on the elliptical. Have time with God...(which is really getting out of control). I'm presently reading all of the following-every morning:
- "My Utmost for His Highest"
- "The Love Dare"
- The Bible
- "Crazy Love"
And I want to read them all. But then again, what impact can I expect when I'm reading in so many different directions? I find myself-an hour and a half later-unable to focus on any one thing I've been studying, and now the day is getting away from me-again.
Just to give you an idea--I've had to repeat day 2 of "The Love Dare" 4 times now, cause I can't seem to get through a day without saying something negative to my husband. (And I've told him about it, and sort of blamed him for it--nice huh?) Ya think I might be missing the point?!
It's not like I'm a hopeless mess-but it is like I'm a mess.
The enemy would love me to drown in all of the All. To give up, to be hopeless, and amount to nothing. But that's just not an option. I've got to get this A.D.D. girl-who is all over the place-back to the place where I am simply His.
Yours, God. I gotta tell you, I don't know how to do it. There are so many good things I want to do and be, but all my running ahead has me running in circles. And it makes me dizzy...and I might throw up.
But you know how you always feel a little better after you throw up? Sure there's that bad taste in your mouth, but the offensive stuff has been evacuated...and the quiet empty-for-now-hope-that-doesn't-happen-again feeling, at least has the word "hope" in it.
Settle me down, Lord. Walk ahead of me and set the pace. Redeem this mess.
I'm just gonna hold on with my eyes shut. I'm gonna remember that there is therefore now no condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus. And I am in Christ Jesus. And I can remember that with my eyes shut. I'm gonna stop putting my hope in the All-that ends up looking a lot like nothing-and put my hope in the one I'm holding onto.
"All Those who put their hope in Him will never be put to shame."
And when I open my eyes back up, He will be my All, and there is no shame in that.